A typical guy’s first day using Google Glass

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google_glassGoogle has been ramping up their advertising recently for Google Glass, the company’s new augmented reality headpiece, which is due to reach consumers sometime this year.  But the new glasses are probably going to be really expensive, and when you couple that with presumptive low stocks of the product at launch, your chances of owning a pair by the end of this year are probably slim to none.  But have no fear, tech friends!  Using all of the advertising materials accessible on the interwebs and my understanding of how cool new tech is used by people I know, I’m able to write this article for you, which will walk you through a generic guy’s first day using Google Glass.  Enjoy!

Awesome!  My new Google Glass is here!  Let’s just slip these bad boys on, download the patch, and… YES!  My reality is augmented!  Thanks Google!  Okay, let’s get started.  “Glass, tell everyone on Facebook and Google+ that I just got Google Glass.”  [be-be-bleep!]  Cool!

Alrighty, let’s go for a walk.  I better see what the weather is like.  Let me just look out the window, and… “Glass, what’s the weather like?”  Huh, it says it’s raining and cold, but it looks sunny and nice out?  Oh well, the window is analog, so it’s probably wrong.  “Glass, where am I meeting up with my girlfriend?”  [be-be-bleep!] Awesome!  Directions beemed straight into my eyes!  This is so totally freakin’ rad!

Twenty minutes later…

Yum, this is the best lunch I’ve had in months.  I better share this with everyone I know, because then they can wish they were eating what I’m eating, and it’ll look even more delicious once they realize I took this picture using Google Glass, this hip new tech they don’t have yet!  “Glass, take a picture of this.”  [be-be-bleep!]

y lunch in masterdamThat was so easy!  I just wish my girlfriend was talking about something more interesting… this conversation is boring as hell.  Seriously, I don’t give a crap what she said, or how rude she was.  It’s a dress… get over it!  Ugh.  Wait, she went to the bathroom!  I have an idea…  “Glass, show me some boobies!”  [be-be-bleep!]

Aww, fucking GROSS Glass!  Jesus!  “Glass, show me WOMAN boobies!” [be-be-bleep!]

COME ON!  Gross!  Seriously glass, what the hell!  “Glass, show me NORMAL, SEXY female boobies!” [be-be-bleep!]

Okay, you know what Glass?  You’re an idiot.  “Come on Glass, show me ONE picture of a boob!”  [be-be-bleep!]

Okay… you just redeemed yourself, Glass.  That’s pretty hilarious.  But I’m just going to get through this lunch boobless and get on with my life.  I better get to work.


“Glass, play some music for me while I walk home.”  [be-be-bleep!]  Okay, I’m going to spend some time tonight reading up on how to make Glass work a little better, because all day long I’ve been asking it one thing, and it’s been showing me something else… it’s pretty frustrating!  Aww, but check out this puppy in the pet store.  I’ve gotta show this to my grandmother, she loves puppies!  Okay Glass, it’s time for you to shine.  “Glass, capture this on video!”  [be-be-bleep!]

Cool!  Finally Glass did something right!

[The next day]

“Hey Grandma, it’s so nice to see you!”  I should show her all the cool stuff Glass can do.  “Glass, take a picture of my grandma.”  [be-be-bleep!]

That’s so cool.  Oh right!  That cute puppy I saw last night!  “Glass, show my grandma what I was looking at yesterday!”  [be-be-bleep!]

Awesome… NOW it effing works.  Thanks a lot, Google Glass!

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