Zombie Weight Loss Tips

Posted by & filed under , .

Pin It

Tired of being a boomer? Want to impress the ladies? Maybe you want a lucky fella’s attention. Well, here’s a few top tips for losing that weight.

Loss of Limb, No Sweat

You don’t have to be a leper to lose those pounds quickly. You’re a decaying corpse, there’s nothing wrong with falling apart now and again, just be sure to keep your legs for running after helpless victims. If that limb is just refusing to come off, there’s no harm in seeking assistance from a gun wielding victim to blow those limbs off, just be sure your victim has a good aim, so you don’t lose your head, literally.

Take the Vegetarian Option

Let’s be sensible here, vegetarians are an important part of a balanced diet. Vegetarians typically have less meat on them as they are basically recycled carrots and tofu, so be sure to nibble on that extra lean leg for all those extra nutrients. Vegetarians will keep you fuller for longer meaning you don’t need to snack on as many victims. That doesn’t mean give up meat eaters altogether, you need a diet you can stick to and you’ll never stick to it if you give up the food you love.


Jenny Has never been happier since switching a vegetarian diet.

Smaller Meals, Don’t Overeat

Everybody likes a snack, especially zombies, but maybe it’s better to eat smaller meals, maybe share with other zombies, after all there’s plenty of meat to go around on a corpse. Don’t be greedy now. Having the support from your peers will help you lose that weight. This is how you’ll be able to still eat your favourite food, dieting just means make a few life style choices, you’ve just got to get the balance you’re comfortable with.

Burn Those Calories

Nothing burns calories like a Molotov cocktail, but try not to overdo it, you might cause an injury or death. No Molotovs? No problem, there’s always an explosive barrel nearby, be sure to stand by the red ones, all red barrels explode when shot, every gamer knows this. Unless you’re a T-Virus infected tyrant you might want to be careful of grenade launchers and bazookas, it’s an easy way to burn, but highly dangerous for inexperienced weight watchers. And of course it’s always tempting to eat a snack after a good work out, but be conscious of what you eat; you don’t want to put those calories on again. Remember, there’s always the vegetarian option.


Longer Strides

Zombies are typically slow walkers, the decaying limbs don’t help, but take longer strides as you chase after that helpless victim, it’ll do your work good. But start small and work your way up. Start with people who can barely run, like the elderly and work your way to fitter human beings and in no time you’ll be taking down Usain Bolt.

Don’t Spew Your Guts Out

You don’t need to be bulimic to lose weight and I’m sure as a boomer you’re tired of spewing all over your prey. It’s so unflattering, you can lose weight without it and your foes are much less likely blow your guts all over the floor. Those shotgun shells are really hard to pick out. It’s much healthier to eat a vegetarian once in a while than to throw up on one.


If you have any weight loss questions for zombies, please leave your questions below. Also, are you a zombie with a success story? Please leave your comments below too, we’d love to hear from you.

Pin It